I’m not so sure I’m ready for number 8. Perhaps with the hurricane making its way through Key West, Pete and the folks at Peppers think I should share in some pain, so we’re going with Satan’s Ghost Hot Sauce. I suspect the latter part of the name is well justified. The good folks at Peppers rate this one at a 7 out of 10 on the heat scale, but I have my doubts on that one. Just from the looks of the bottle and contents, this looks like it’s going to hurt.

We have a local Thai restaurant that has recently started offering Ghost Pepper dishes, so we went ahead and ordered some of our favorite “regular” dishes and figured we’d experiment with Satan’s Ghost by adding it to them. I am tempted to whip up some wings, but without having tasted this stuff yet, I’m going to pass on risking a tear gas like vapor emanating from my kitchen.

First things first, let’s take a look at the ingredients: Fire Roasted Habanero Peppers, Red Wine Vinegar, Water, Salt, Ghost Peppers, Xantham Gum. So, this is not a “pure” Ghost Pepper sauce, but rather a combo of Habanero and Ghost. The rest of the stuff is pretty standard for hot sauces, with the exception of using red wine vinegar instead of white vinegar. I’m sure that makes a difference in the taste, but quite frankly I doubt I’ll be thinking about the refined and sophisticated taste it generates. I think I’ll be shedding tears.

In keeping with my geeky tendencies and my wife’s need to understand the molecular structure of every food we eat, anything with a name that doesn’t sound like a plant or animal has to be figured out. Enter Xantham Gum. What is this stuff? Oddly enough, it’s not gum. At least not until a liquid is added to it, or re-added I should say. If you have an issue with cultured foods, like yogurt, I would skip this next part. If not, then read on.

Xantham gum is essentially the byproduct of Xanthomonas Campestris bacteria processing glucose, sucrose, or lactose. It’s a fermentation process and the result is a substance that is removed from the culture, dried, and ground into a powder. So, is it all natural, yes it is. Is it safe to eat? I’m not a biochemist, but those who are say it’s no different than eating foods like yogurt. What does it do in food? Simply enough, it thickens them up. You can read more about it here.

Now that we’ve got that covered, lets get into this sauce. It’s a deep, dark, red sauce that just looks mean. Even if it wasn’t called Satan’s Ghost or if I didn’t know it had Ghost Peppers, it would still look mean. It smells mean too. The scent immediately lets you know it’s ready to kick your ass by reaching up your nose and yanking on your olfactory nerve. There appears to be some little chunks in there, I’m assuming those are the peppers since there’s nothing else that would be chunky in the ingredients. Great, chunks of Ghost Peppers, this should be fun.

My wife is really not happy about playing with me on this one. In fact, it seems she is going to sit this one out until she’s sure I won’t need to be taken to the hospital. Probably smart. I go in with a toothpick to get things started. Just a little dab on the end and….

HOLY ^&^$%! There’s no waiting period for a seat at this table- the heat hits immediately. Screw the symbols- this shit is HOT! My mouth immediately fills with saliva, it’s either a natural reaction to help me flush this out or I am about to start coughing and gagging. What do you do when your mouth fills with saliva? Yes, you swallow. And, my friends, that is not a smart thing to do. Now, not only is my mouth burning like the devil stuck his fist in it, but I’m pretty sure my throat is literally getting holes in it. Have you ever watched a piece of plastic wrap burn? You know how it shrivels up and the holes grow? Yeah, that’s what this feels like.

No build up on this one, it’s just frickin hot from the moment it hits your mouth and stays hot. This is nuts. Whose idea was it to do these Hot Sauce Diaries anyway? “It’ll be fun,” “Lots of great tasting sauces.” My dying ass it will be fun. My wife thinks it’s fun, at least that’s what it looks like since she can’t talk since she’s laughing so hard at me. Just wait sweetie, just wait.

Okay, things have settled down. It seriously burned for about 5 minutes. I didn’t shed a tear, but went through a pretty hefty load of tissues. You might think we’re done with this one, but we’re not. The funny thing is that after the insane burn subsided, there’s actually a really good after taste. It has a garlic like taste, but there’s no garlic. Not sure what the deal is there, maybe I’m having a hot sauce induced seizure and my brain thinks I just ate garlic.

To be fair on this one, we have to try it on some foods. We originally intended to use it on Pad Thai, Basil Chicken, and Panang Curry, but we’re going to pass on the Pad Thai since the Satan’s Ghost won’t mix in really well and I don’t want to encounter a glob of this stuff mid chew. It’s not the Satan’s Ghost that is the issue, the Pad Thai just isn’t a saucy dish, so there’s nothing to mix it in with. The other two, however, are prime candidates. By the way, I’m not a huge fan of curry, but Panang Curry doesn’t have a strong curry flavor and it just so happens to be the best Thai dish in the world. If you haven’t tried it, you’re missing out.

We mix in just a dash of the hot sauce and make sure we mix it in really, really well. By just a dab, I’m talking about half a capful for the entire dish. We like our Thai pretty spicy, so this could be good.

Both dishes are, in fact, really good. There’s a lot of heat, but not so much that it’s inedible. It’s on the upper end of what I would eat and still enjoy the dish. I will say that most Thai restaurants offer a heat scale and it typically tops out at “Thai Hot.” This is hotter than “Thai Hot.”

There’s one last thing I want to try and if you recall, I do have a little revenge to get on my laughing spouse. We both love the Thai Coconut Soup. That stuff is the nectar of the god’s. We’ve never had it hot though, as in spicy hot. So, I went ahead and added a few drops of Satan’s Ghost to my bowl (a big bowl) of the soup. I mixed it in really well, but remember those little chunks I mentioned? Well, they are evident now on the bottom of the bowl. Definitely little bits of pepper.

I didn’t think this soup could get any better, but it just did. The combination of pepper heat and coconut coolness is perfect. It’s still incredibly hot, but really damn good. As for the revenge, as I get to the bottom of my bowl, I can see the little bits and pieces waiting to be consumed. So, I tell my wife she needs to try this stuff. She liked the idea of making the soup spicy and already added some Sriracha sauce to hers. I tried it and told her mine wasn’t much hotter, which, of course, was a lie.

She poured the soup into her mouth like she had been in a desert for a week. Wait for it, waaaaaait for it. BAM! There it is. I’m not sure if the look on her face was fear, pain, hatred, or a combination of all three. None the less, I can see why she was laughing at me and I was pleased to return the favor. All is right in our household again, at last as far as I’m concerned. I will be hiding the super glue tonight though.

Enough chatter, whats the bottom line? I’m going with a solid 8 out of 10 on heat. Like I said, there’s no build up, so it’s an 8 that punches you in the face. Flavor? I’m not really sure. If we’re going on what I tasted after the initial burn went away, I can go with a 6 (remember, I’m not a huge garlic fan- yes, I know there’s no garlic, but that’s what it tasted like to me). If we’re talking about the pepper flavor it added to the dishes we ate, I can go with an 8. It made what I thought were some of the best dishes in the world (Panang and Coconut Soup) even better.

If you like it hot, really, really hot, you’ll definitely like Satan’s Ghost. I would suggest treating it more like a food additive rather than a straight up sauce. But, that’s just me.